Preplay coding: interrogation!

[trashiestking]

CK was the best raccoon in the delivery biz. He'd even earned enough points by holing residents to earn a catapult function! Which he was now using to swallow up and fling every trash can, recycling can, and other similarly sized object he could find in the streets.

Oooo, look! A popcorn machine! CK paddled his hind feet in glee, stretched out on his back on a park bench with his hole-control tablet.

He could make it rain popcorn!

Steve	Hey now, that was Steve's favorite popcorn machine! "You there!" Steve yelled. "Freeze!" He would think about the life choices that led him to try to capture a raccoon later.
CK	Oh crap! Be cool, CK. He could be talking to anyone! Just . . . keep doing your thing. . . . Nothing to see here, aggressive exercise man. Maybe order a donut to calm down. . . .
Steve	Does a guy this high strung look like he ate refined sugar, raccoon? "I have some questions for you," Steve said, stalking closer.
CK	CK looked up at him, blinking innocently. He was just your average raccoon, sir! Playing on a tablet! Surely you were talking to one of those suspicious flamingoes!
Steve	Steve narrowed his eyes. "The other raccoons have told me that you're the one to talk to." When Stark and his shiny, shiny mask fell into a hole, the Fandom raccoons got chatty. Especially when Steve got scary at them.
CK	Sold out by his own kind?! Betrayal! CK finally looked up, with affected nonchalance. He slowly sat up, set his tablet aside, and raised a paw as though to explain -- And then bolted. BYYYYYEEEEEE!
Steve	Danny was going to be so upset that he missed a truly ridiculous chase sequence! "Oh no you don't," Steve said, racing after him.
CK	Oh yes he did! CK was regretting dropping his tablet. He could be flinging things at Steve with his catapult function right now! Instead he didn't even have a handy hole to swallow the guy up with! He went darting around the overturned trash cans, kicking them with his back feet to send them rolling at Steve. Maybe he could climb a tree?
Steve	Well, as long as he didn't try to drive a rickshaw: that would just be like last summer. Steve jumped the first trash can and caught the second one right in the shins, so now he was bruised and pissed, but catching up since he was a six foot tall person and pretty adept at running.
CK	How dare Steve be tall and good at running?! He should clearly be disqualified from the raccoon chasing event! CK scrabbled up at telephone pole. EK had been right! They should have just stayed in that bathroom stall at the Quick Stop! But nooo, CK wanted to see people's faces in person when he flung things at them. . . .
Steve	"You dropped my partner in a hole," Steve said, climbing right up after him. "Weeks ago! Do you know how shitty that is?"
CK	Wait, humans could climb? CK didn't bother responding. He needed his breath for running! And climbing! And flinging himself off the telephone pole at the ground, tail flapping in the wind. See ya, sucker!
Steve	That, admittedly, would've stopped a person who cared more about things like gravity, bruises, and the potential for internal bleeding. That was not Steve McGarrett, who tossed himself off the pole with the kind of enthusiasm that people who had jet packs or super-healing or Iron Man on speed dial generally employed. He was going to grab you by your annoying little back legs, jackass. The rabies booster would be worth it.
CK	That was just rude! "Oh shit," CK gasped as he found himself dangling by his hind legs from the grip of a very pissed off looking human. "Uh. Can I help you officer?" There you go. Play it cool, CK. Not like he hadn't been screaming at you for the last few minutes as he chased you down the street or anything.
Steve	"Yes, you can," Steve said. "Back at the station. We have some questions for you."
CK	CK wiggled. "Do you have a warrant?"
Steve	"Do you need to be arrested to go?" Steve countered.
CK	CK looked at his feet in Steve's hands, then back up at Steve. "Is this not you arresting me?"
Steve	"I haven't read you your rights," Steve said. But also, this was a talking raccoon. This seemed like a legal gray area.
CK	"I assumed you were getting to that," CK said. "Is this a good time to ask for a lawyer?"
Steve	"No," Steve decided, taking them both towards the station.

Finally! Time to get some answers.

CK	"You have no proof!" CK protested. "I'm innocent! I never saw that hole before in my life! Don't raccoons have rights?!"
Liam	"Methinks this raccoon doth protest too much," Liam said drily. What? Admit it, you were all thinking it.
Steve	"And I'm not sure raccoons do have rights," Steve said with a shrug.
Miguel	"They might," Miguel allowed, "but it doesn't include the right to suck half the town into holes. Which you," he informed CK, "were obviously doing."
Diego	Diego had absolutely no patience for quipping with the raccoon about what or wasn't illegal. Mostly because he was worried, and secondly because it was a raccoon for god's sake. It wasn't like it was a tweed-wearing chimp who raised you from birth. Just hit it or something. "Just tell us where the people are," Diego said. "I don't really care about your rights."
CK	"Wow." CK shook his head at Diego. "So you're just. A fascist, then." CK didn't know what a fascist really was. But from his time on the internet, he was pretty sure it meant "person who disagrees with me personally."
Steve	"Yeah, I'm gonna have to smack around a raccoon," Steve decided. "You have...let's say three seconds to tell us how to get all the buildings and people back before I start getting annoyed."
Kitty	"Now, now," Kitty said, "violence isn't the answer. Maybe he just needs some understanding." Of course, she said good cop words sweetly while really wanting to punch a raccoon but apparently that's life.
CK	"Yes!" CK nodded quickly. "I agree with the human with the pretty hair! You could just . . . let me go, right?"
Kitty	"We can't do that," Kitty said, apologetic. "A lot of people are missing and we have to find them. But maybe we could make you comfortable?"
Miguel	Miguel gave Kitty such a look. He was pretty sure he knew what she was doing, but still! "Or we could tie you up and string you from the ceiling," he offered.
Steve	Steve shot him a glare. There was a difference between threatening vaguely and stringing people--raccoons--suspects--from a ceiling. "We all know we're not doing that," he said firmly.
Miguel	"I will absolutely do that if it helps us get answers," Miguel said, crossing his arms. "I have webbing; we don't even need a hook." Maybe this was why he didn't get it when people said he was a good guy.
CK	“Do you all need a minute to sort this out?” CK asked. “I can wait outside.” He would run if he went outside. Obviously.
Diego	"Just keep your furry ass where it is," Diego said, holding out a hand. "And hope we can talk this weirdo down from doing whatever it is he's talking about to you." Webbing, really?
Miguel	"You're not the one that needs to talk," Miguel said, giving the raccoon a pointed look. Hey, he'd learned "bad cop" from Sabertooth. Subtle wasn't exactly it.
Liam	“Hey,” Liam murmured in an undertone to his fellow interrogators. “Not to paint all raccoons with the same brush, but the ones who made off with Stark’s mask last year did so because were awfully fond of shiny things. Maybe this guy,” he tilted his head in the direction of the raccoon, “would like a shiny thing to call his own?”
Kitty	"Do we have shiny?" Kitty asked in a low voice.
CK	CK watched them talk amongst themselves and wished he had a hole right now. He was maybe trying to edge slowly out of his seat. How dumb were humans? Dumb enough to fall in holes, sure, but they built, like, houses. Maybe their vision was based on movement?
Steve	"I see that," Steve told him, "and I will absolutely tackle you again if you don't cut it out. But we're not completely unreasonable here." Well. Other than "let's string up the raccoon guy." He toyed with his shiny, shiny practically indestructible, stupidly expensive SEAL-issued watch, making eye contact with the raccoon. "We might be able to make a deal."
Diego	Well it's a good thing Steve had that watch, because the only shiny thing Diego had was knives and that might be a little threatening. "What do you say, Ranger Rick?" Diego asked.
CK	Oh shit. That looked pretty fucking special. CK leaned in, trying to get a better look. The Trash King would totally reward him if he brought back something that shiny! . . . And if he didn't bring it in at all, maybe he could just have something that shiny! ". . . We can maybe make a deal," he said carefully. "What do you want to know?"
Miguel	"How do we get our people out of the holes for a start," Miguel said. "And how do we stop any more of them?"
CK	CK rubbed his little raccoon paws together, eyes glued on that watch. "I don't know," he said. "I just use the holes, I don't make 'em."
Liam	Well that was something, at least. "Of course," Liam nodded. "Can you tell us anything about who does?"
Kitty	"Or what the holes are used for? Something?" Kitty asked. She'd been a single parent with no clues for way too long here, give her something.
CK	“And then you’ll give me that thing?” CK asked, making grabby hands at the watch.
Steve	"Maybe," Steve said, glaring. "You haven't told us jack yet and I'm entirely out of patience. If you're a low level, useless raccoon with nothing to tell us, you don't deserve shiny watches."
Diego	"Just tell us something useful already," Diego snapped, entirely out of patience himself. "You're lucky the watch is even on the table."
CK	CK looked at him. Then at the watch. “I am a very important raccoon,” he said. “I was the first one to earn a catapult!” He pointed to Diego. “Maybe I’ll catapult you later. Can humans fly?”
Miguel	"Can raccoons?" Miguel asked. "I don't need a catapult to throw you. Earn a catapult how? From whom?"
Liam	Nobody would be catapulting- or throwing- anybody on Liam's watch, thank you. "Is whoever's out there handing out catapults the one making the holes?" That would explain the random crap that had been pelting people out of nowhere the last few days.
CK	“I don’t know who makes them,” CK said. “The Trash King’s the one who set up the reward system though.”
Kitty	"There's a Trash King?" Kitty asked, and then realized that like, sure why not.
Steve	"For fu--" Steve clenched his hand into a frustrated fist. "Where's the Trash King?"
Diego	This wasn't the dumbest thing he had been a part of, but it was up there. "Keep in mind he really seems like he's going to punch you in the face if you don't give us some useful information soon," Diego said, nodding his head at Steve.
CK	“That was useful!” CK protested. “This one didn’t even know the Trash King existed!”
Miguel	"Useful like where is he?" Miguel asked, "and why is he doing this?"
Liam	... Was this some weird sort of raccoon-solidarity revenge for that time Calvin tried to throw the raccoons in the trash by declaring a Recycling Amnesty Day? (Recycling Amnesty Day was never going to be a thing, thank you.) "What does this 'Trash King' want with our people?"
Kitty	"We need actual details," Kitty added.
CK	“Woah hey. You got it all wrong,” CK said. “The Trash King doesn’t care about people! He wants your trash!” A beat. “Allegedly.”
Steve	"He's been taking people for two and half weeks, asshole," Steve snarled. "Where is he? I'll give him all the trash he can handle." Possibly by kicking him straight into a trash barge.
Diego	"Allegedly, what the hell does that mean?" Diego asked.
CK	It meant CK had watched a lot of cop shows and thought he knew how plausible deniability worked. “You guys seem real stressed,” he said. “Maybe you should try the hole app! It’s weirdly soothing, making everything fall down a hole. . . .”
Miguel	"Yeah?" Miguel narrowed his eyes at the raccoon. "Show us this app." Maybe he could reverse-engineer it or something.
Liam	"I think what would make us all a lot less stressed is getting the stuff that's fallen down holes back," Liam ground out.
Kitty	"The people," Kitty corrected, getting out her phone in case she had to download something. If the solution to all this was there's an app for that she was gonna lose it.
CK	"I just know how to hole 'em," CK said. "Not how to get them back. For that you probably gotta talk to the Trash King." Then, sensing that these humans were all out of patience, he rolled right forward. "The King's in his palace. Out in the tree place. You should see it, it's the nicest pile of trash around!" He looked at Steve, making grabby hand motions again. "That's all I know. Gimme the thing!"
Steve	"No," Steve said flatly. "You took twenty minutes to tell us 'look at a pile of trash' and 'there's an app for that'." He got a little heated at the last part. "We're gonna lock you up and check your intel."
Diego	"What he said," Diego said, nodding his head over at Steve. "Then we'll consider if you get any reward." Spoiler: Diego would say absolutely not.
CK	“What?! I was super helpful!” CK protested. “It’s not my fault you suck at interrogation! Gimme the thing!”
Miguel	"I'm not stringing you up. Yet," Miguel pointed out. "What else do we need to know?"
Liam	For the record, yes, Liam absolutely valued the people over the stuff. But given that the raccoons were apparently considering the people an afterthought, he was trying to appeal to their sense of priority here. "Honestly," he told the raccoon. "You're probably better off staying locked up." Considering how often these sorts of things ended in a fight...
CK	CK looked at him, then nodded slowly. “Protective custody. The Trash King will kill me if he knows I told!”